Struggling...............

OHHHHH......guess wat big thing i did today?? well after returning from the tip yesterday night while i sleeping i realised i am screaming and shouting in my sleep lar...very the scary sia stress till like tt...in the moring i toked abit to my mum..and ask her views on my camp sitiuation and her answer was super clear and direct..."if u don have the time, then don do..."whao! englitened..so with tt mind i think and think on bus..reach sch talked to wai meng and jian ming...see if they cant take over my job as campfie IC...then i even more feel cannot tahan..therefore i told jim i cannot continue..yups i told him i decide to be out of the Planning com..1stly cause i am stressed till dunno like wat now..cause of the Job and camp thing..the job to tahan my next years spendings for assignments...2ndly cause i need to take up the job i cannot come down everyday 9am to 9pm..well tts the main points liao...and he says alot till i blur one the things..and well he kinda want speak for me..which i don aggre of lar...he did mentioned tt since i cannot make it for 9 to 9 everyday then no point continue as he expects the PCs to do so..dosent matter if i can finish my work or not cause he believes tt the 9-9thing helps to bond the PCs together..then he says i have not experiences the fun they have at all cause i no there...but i will dare to say i felt it..but only on one day..last friday i think..like for onces when i look into their faces they seem to trust me and not have tt doupting face..espically when i talk to janet and guan jie..we can talk!!ha so feeling very great tt day..but then sat and the rest was..not reall lar..haiz...so there u have it..audrey has lighten her load...well..in a sense yes..i don have the PC name on me anymore..but i want to continuse doing the things tt i am doing so far..like the campfire..the tresure hunt..its like my unborn baby tt feeling and i wan to see it complete...then how?so i offer it as a favour to them tt i will complete it..and like i am also not asured tt my help would be of use..cause i not PC not BIG anymore..ha..like if i finish my campfire it may not even be approved...yar..acturally i feel tt this way would be for the better..as it will be fair to the rest of the ppl who came everyday 9-9pm..the amount of time they put in..but when i was addresing to the whole PC who were there..the thing tt guan jie told me make me think alot...since i am continuing the campfire..and the tresure hunt..wats the difference as being a PC excpet being in the song sesion...well kinda true u know...n the thing is i WILL come for the song sesion and i WILL want to learn the songs...then tt means its even more STUPID of me to not be a PC? GOSH!!! i am so confused now...but thinking of it tell me tt maybe not all of them mind me not turnning up everyday..to think it at a brighter side..maybe they understands my sistustion??!! don mind me not coming everyday but i am offering my help!!?? [if its true then i will be so darn happie and delighted sia...] Then its the 1st time i really interacted wit the QMs while we do the fire wood thingy..and i know them abit better..its like..i feel tt acturally u don need to be there 9-9 to be bonded wit them lor..its see how much we interact..cause within tt few mins i see more of wei yi character..and elsons too..cause most of the time they are quite reserved..

wha..all this defeats the pourpose of me making my decision like tt leh...by right like what clement says..i should not regreat it..since i already decided..but...AHHHHH......i wanna stranggle myself...then cause i didnt really think too much wat will be effected when i make this desision..now i found out tt its quite a big thing lor..cause the princess will be lost..and i hear i will be telematech GA..so will be gone...then cause my posotion is a new one tt many ppl fought for me..after i realised the campfire thing i feel like theres a smack on my face...like..wha!! i will be letting down alot of ppl tt i don want to let down...ppl like my Ah gong, the 1st person tt i know in CADC and who is VERY on the same frequency as me..Shao kai..though i migh have some conflicts wit him at times but i respect him for his abilities ..most importaintlly he is the one who really made me rebelieve in CADC again and again..[twice u know...]haiz..they believed in me..and i believed in myself..but i am sadded tt cause the untold expectiontins from the camp cheif made the sitiustion into this now..Seriously i should not compare myself to others now..though at times i do..i will always think like wat wai meng says there are also ppl who cannot give 9-9 inside the PCs so theres no need to go for me...i really dunno really confused now...suppose to be more qing song de rites??haa...yar wat benjemin says is true and i understands...jim is the camp chief and sometimes he have to do wat he have to do, whichs not allow me to continue and consider the view of the other PCs, thier wealfare...but i really want to ask all the PCs if they understand my sistuation and if they would allow me to do that..cause so far everything is hear from jim..and like i need to interprate wat he is telling me..and think there is plenty of misinterprations...i hope to hear form the PCs themselves..cause i believe they can see i am trying, maybe its wat i hope it is lar...i jus know i have the passion to do, i want to do..not as to forfuill the responsibility anymore..yes i still have strong determination to do my campfire and treasure hunt..i know tt i can acomplish and do quite alot there, and ha..seriously speaking i kinda like the songs "only when u know them tt is....." but juz because of the time factor and then let everything off..i am not allowed HA HA...stupid audrey...ha ahgong also agrees...dies...

haiz...tml will go dental agains..and bye bye to two teeths...will miss u all..haa...i scared will be very pain sia..and since i already out i wont have to saty long dere...after tt go help help the grad show maybe...see hows the dental 1st lor...hees.......scary....well then..when i arrange the photos from the trip then i blog about it lor..haha...been writting alot of words and thoughts this few days..cause alot of things going on my mind..ha think when u all read it u all can so called feel the messyness rites??ha all this is really wat i think and feel now..wats dere to hide rites?ha..well gtg...tata...so tired...hees...take cares ppl!!!